


How Not to Care, an attempt by Peter Parker

by AM_In_The_Morning



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Sort of - Fandom, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: BAMF Peter Parker, Crack, Gen, Humor, Peter Parker Needs a Break, Peter Parker is a Mess, Snippets, inspired by a scene in the Hitman's Bodyguard, mostly because of Wade
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-11
Updated: 2020-05-11
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:33:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24125200
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AM_In_The_Morning/pseuds/AM_In_The_Morning
Summary: Just an ordinary day with Peter Parker ranting about  getting tired of Deadpool's shtick.---Inspired by a scene in the movie: " The Hitman's Bodyguard"
Relationships: Peter Parker & Wade Wilson
Comments: 2
Kudos: 98





	How Not to Care, an attempt by Peter Parker

**Author's Note:**

> I can proudly say I wrote this under thirty minutes

Spider-man downed the glass in one go, oblivious to the shocked look he got from a much older drinker beside him. Of course due to his metabolism, he couldn’t get drunk. Tipsy maybe, but never drunk. On other days, Peter would have considered this a good thing. But days like this, days that involved Dead freaking pool, sometimes, just _sometimes_ , he wished he could get drunk just to forget about the son of a… female dog even for a minute.

“Do you have any idea how much I work hard in my life?” He asked to no one in particular, mask rolled just below his eyes.

The bartender shook his head, probably used to listening to other people’s woes. Mostly people who aren’t Spider-man but hey, maybe the guy just needed someone to listen to. “No, not really.”

“Well,” Peter began “let’s say that I have worked _really, really_ hard in my life. Being a part-time hero, part-time ordinary guy, part-time guy with other stuff to do.”

The bartender continued to nod, even though he didn’t understand what Spider-man was talking about.

“I worked so hard just to prove Fury and his boyband of condescending jerks that I am well-aware of what I. am. Doing.” He slowly said, patience growing thinner as he continued. “And then here comes my evil twin from the underworld, declaring me as his new best friend, throwing me under the damn, metaphorical bus– excuse my French– and then ditching me when he just said he’d be the one to explain everything to the mother freaking Avengers.”

Oblivious, or perhaps choosing to ignore so, the people around Peter started running and yelling. Gunshots were fired, someone yelling in an English accent, even the bartender was lowering himself to the ground though still peeking from the counter.

“And there he goes again.” Peter said with fake cheer, gesturing his surroundings. His spider sense indicated that no one was actually hurt, only prickling due to this happening there and that. “My uncle would be very disappointed in me when I say this,” He shook his head “but I hope they kill him, I really do.”

“Okay…?” The bartender said uncertainly.

More gunshots were fired, Deadpool’s voice screaming back at his shooters. “SUCK MY SPOTTED DICK, YOU MOTHERF–”

“Even if I did save him,” Peter raised his voice over the commotion “ _again_. You know, he would just say I had it all figured out before you got here.” He poured another drink to his glass.

“And then you know what?” Peter took a sip “He would say _“I guess my thing’s better than your thing, motherf—”_

“Kill him!!!” Another English guy yelled back.

“ _I guess bullets are just allergic to me, motherf—_ ”

The loud honk of a car raced through the streets.

The bartender still lowering himself on the ground while Peter furiously gestured. “This guy singlehandedly ruined not just that word but every other swear word in the urban dictionary.” He shook his head again. “And I thought only Fury was capable of such a thing!”

He downed his glass, and then decided to just drink from the bottle itself. “I was doing fine on my own.” Peter lamented with a sigh. “I already have enough shtick in my plate, but I was doing _great_. Doing great long before Mr. Stark and his stupid suits.”

A car narrowly missed Peter’s side. “You know what?” Peter said with a too wide smile. “I’m not gonna care. I deserve a minute to not care.”

More gunshots fired.

“I’m not gonna care.” He repeated the mantra, though slowly. “I’m not gonna care.”

Peter paused. His spider sense prickling down his spine. Through his instincts in which he had no idea how it functioned, he knew Wade was shot although not in any fatal areas.

Peter inhaled. “I’m not gonna— GAHDAMMIT!!!”


End file.
